Verisimilar

For whatever reason, I can't pretend away stress. When folks ask me how I'm doing, I'll tell them if I feel comfortable at all doing so.

So how has this school year been? Stress x a ton. I forgot how phenomenally hard it is to be a teacher; I am reminded why I wanted to give up the profession. How does one learn to let it go? I want to be challenging, I want to be fun, I want kids to feel time in my class is worthwhile. I have an incredibly hard time knowing that I'm not going to be the best I can be this year. At one point I thought I was ok with that. But I realize as I go through this year, and I have one 9th grade class which leans towards overconfidence, and the other which leans toward non-responsiveness that I just don't know the material well enough to meet both of them where they're at. And my poor 6th grade English and 8th grade religion classes . . .well, I do show up for their periods, but neither one is where I spend most of my mental and/or prep time. Then on top of these, I have to work on finding apps to use with my iPad from school when I still can't get my classroom technology to work correctly, AND begin looking into a service program for the whole school . . .I love all of these things, but if I could just put a couple of them off for a few more months . . .

Well, I'll hang in there. But I can't promise more than that right now.

System overload

I must have just worn myself out. That's the only explanation I can give for how sick I've felt this weekend. I mean, really--I get sinus infections multiple times a year, but this one has just wiped me out for most of this Labor Day weekend.

Granted, these past three weeks have been go-go-go. Before school started I felt so panicked, thinking I would never be hard enough for the pre-AP freshmen class (who are pretty sharp, I must admit). Then KC and I moved in ROR apartments the weekend before school started. We've been living amid boxes these past two weeks; every weekend sees us dumping out a few more boxes and buying more furniture as we attempt to organize a smaller space than either of us are used to. I'm pretty excited about how it all will look when it's done.

Then there's been the getting used to a new school. So far, I am enjoying my new coworkers; they seem more openminded and passionate about being good teachers than I sometimes find. However, there's only a couple close to my age at all. And I do miss J23. I miss all the people I grew to love there, and I miss being established in the school community--not some unknown figure to parents and students alike. I miss feeling sure of what I needed to teach and when. But I think Ascension will help me continue to grow as an educator, and that is worthwhile. It's just a ton of work right now.

There's also been me trying to work in getting to know other folks around here. The YA group I've spent some time with has been fun, but only one person has made an effort to get to know me outside of that venue. (And he can be a bit . . .persistent? Boring? Unkind of me, I suppose, but well, that's how it goes.)

Finally, there's been adjustments in my family. I'm trying not to worry too much about Pedro's being home and what that does to my parents and Cely, but it's hard. He's been back 2 weeks now, and he definitely was on his best behavior the first week or so. Now I'm starting to see some of the rough edges again, and I wonder how this will go. What maybe makes me the saddest right now is how different Cely is again. In the brief times I get to see her, she is so quiet. She almost never giggles or teases as she did all summer before Pedro came back. Some of her spirit and sass seems sucked under something once again. It's disheartening, and I wish I knew what to do.

I'd appreciate prayers for my family, if you think of them.