I confuse myself

So I met a guy here. Adam. He's awesome. So awesome. Fun, kind, service-oriented. Catholic and faith-filled. Loves family and friends. Has listened to me, supported me, helped me grade papers. Checked on me, made me meals, taken me out. He has prayed with me and shopped with me (for Christmas stuff-not regularly!) He went to my staff Christmas party and met my family and allowed me to meet his. And now we're dating.

I realized today that it has been only 4 days longer than a month since I even developed a crush on him. And today I just feel overwhelmed by this new relationship. Is there such a thing as too close too fast? Because that is how I feel right now. How many things have I put on the back burner because of the time I've spent with him? I've definitely gotten a lot less sleep. I think all my Christmas gifts I meant to make will be late now because I haven't started any of them. At least most of my shopping is done. But for anyone reading this, know that your cards and/or gifts will be late because they're still in the bags I bought over Thanksgiving.

I am so glad to have someone new in my life who seems to care about me, but today I felt more panicked about it than anything. I hope that's not completely abnormal. I think I just need a little time: for myself, for my projects and personal things, and for letting this relationship just go where it's meant to go.

The other shoe drops

I know I tend to make these blog posts horribly heavy outpourings of events and thoughts, but well, I guess it's better here than on facebook :-)

Yesterday became the day I feared since Pedro moved back in with my parents. Since I expected some of this to occur sooner, I shouldn't have been so surprised when it did at last happen. For some reason, the holidays seem to make Pedro more antagonistic towards Mom and Dad. I could feel it the other night when I ate dinner over at my parents'. Mom was at work, but there was this glint in Pedro's eye when he spoke to my dad; his tone carried an edge I haven't heard in a long time. He simmered with resentment about the surgery from two years ago--the unexpected appendectomy that resulted after a few days of Pedro moaning about a pain he couldn't articulate. Now he claims he told Mom and Dad that he wanted to go to the hospital, but KC was there, too, and she called him out on it: no, he hadn't mentioned the hospital at all. Pedro has this habit of remembering what he imagines and not what is accurate.

Now he is denial about what happened at school. It's obvious that he isn't liked there; no one ever calls him back when he invites them out. Wednesday he apparently got in a fight with a kid on the basketball team. Then he pushed the coach away when the man tried to break the kids apart. He earned a two-day suspension for that. Even worse is that he is being accused of sexually harassing kids at school; one mother is to the point of filing a lawsuit against the school. In therapy Pedro only expresses his rage at everyone; his adamant denial of having done anything wrong; his fury that Mom and Dad don't believe him; his trust of only his biological dad, his real brother, and Cely.

I realize only this: that nothing and no one will ever help Pedro unless he can let himself love and be changed by that love.

Right now . . .I just can't see that happening.