But it was just a weekend, and behavior can be controlled for two days.
I guess that's one part of the thoughts that have weighed so heavily on my mind this past weekend. The other major one is that I've realized something in living back at my parents' house these past few weeks: every anxiety-ridden and worry-driven tendency that I have comes directly from my mom and dad. If you take their natural habits and fears and combine them into one, you get me. So imagine if you will how paralyzing my own worries are when added to the worries of my parents. I find it hard to function. If I had to actually live in this house as my parents reintroduce Pedro here, I'm pretty sure I'd have to be in a coma to deal with it.
Overly dramatic? Perhaps. But I couldn't function yesterday because I could tell my father was stressed and wanted Pedro to leave the house. Let me repeat: Pedro didn't really challenge my parents at all this past weekend. He was fairly pleasant--at least as much as he is capable of being. I woke up with a sullen headache that refused to depart, and I couldn't shake the shadow on my mind, that shadow of NOT KNOWING how this will end or even develop. Is this return an event that will reveal a miraculous recovery and the eventual creation of a healthy family--or will this be a simple--and painful--exercise in faith that challenges us to love and try even though Pedro will never be able to stay with our family? How much will my parents have to try before they'll feel it's ok to call it enough? They've prayed and prayed and prayed about this; they feel like God is in this somehow, even though they practically shake when they talk to and about Pedro. Maybe they are only called to plant a seed in Pedro. He seems hellbent on making as many destructive choices that he can make in his teen years. How can they undo 13 years of shoddy decision-making regarding him? Already Cely seems to read better than he does. He couldn't even read the words "Sonny" (the name of their new dog) or "emergency" (he thought it said "electricity"). Cely corrected him both times.
I believe on some levels that God often challenges us outside of our comfort zones; He takes us farther than we ever thought we could go: faith can move mountains and all that. Miracles didn't stop after Jesus ascended back to heaven. There's that saying that God never gives us more than we can handle . . .so is Pedro's return a sign that God trusts my parents tremendously? If this event were a biblical story, would it be the triumph of Esther or the tragedy of Job? And how does one live with the not knowing, the questions, until one lives into the answers?
My answer right now: I really don't know.
No comments:
Post a Comment